One of the first suggestions well meaning believers make to someone trying to escape a porn addiction is to get an accountability partner. While this may in fact be a good idea if executed properly, it is not a solution. Here's why.
1) Choosing the wrong accountability partner: You shouldn't choose your wife, someone who is also struggling with porn, an older christian who has never had an addiction, an aquaintence or stranger, a therapist or pastor. Why?
- Wife: Honesty and confession in important in the marriage but your wife is probably not equipped to deal with the depth of the problem. She will likely take it too personally and not understand what is happening. Furthermore, the likelyhood of downplaying the problem is too high.
- Another porn addict: This is the blind leading the blind.
- A christian who never overcame an addiction: Easy access to pornography is definitely a generational thing. Sin and temptation are the same for everyone (1 Cor 10:13), but there can be the tendency for believers, in their zeal, to try to throw out quick solutions when they don't understand the depths of a problem.
- An aquaintence or stranger: Someone you don't know well is unlikely to care enough or be loyal enough to stick with you and sacrifice in order to help free you from you addiction. Furthermore they will grow tired of your constant failure and dependence.
- A therapist/Pastor: The truth is, while a therapist or pastor may listen and counsel, they just don't have the time to be a proper accountability partner.
2) Relying too much on the accountability partner: unfortunately the relationship can quickly become one of dependence where the addict is placing the burden of recovery completely on the shoulders of the accountability partner. Rather than focusing on God and commitment to Him the focus is on the relationship. Being someone's personal savior is too much to bear for anyone except Jesus Christ.
What you need is a spiritual father/coach. (1 Cor 4:15) (You need a spiritual coach)
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