"Chemistry" is important. Being attracted to your wife is part of the equation as well. Finances play a role, as does education, interests, family dynamics and how many kids you want. But the tendency is for most young men, especially those stuggling with lust, is to be obsessed with outward appearances.
When the flesh rules our minds we make bad decisions. The flesh tells us that we need a wife who will fulfill our fantasies. Bad idea, marrying a woman based on her looks is a recipe for heartache. Essentially you are choosing someone who is in all likelihood, shallow, for shallow reasons.
If you are still willfully lusting I suggest that you forgo looking for a wife at all. You will not be able to make wise spiritual decisions (such as who to marry) if you are feeding the flesh. Once your mind is renewed and your flesh tamed then you can properly think about who to spend your life with.
Here are some tips when choosing a wife, this isn't a list of requirements since we all need grace and time to mature, but at least thinking about these things can go a long way in righting your perspective.
Choosing a wife:
- Is she a believer? This one is non-negotiable.
- How does she dress? Modesty is often the best sign of a desire to please God?
- Does she have her own quiet time with God?
- Is she sexually aggressive? This should be a warning sign.
- Is she kind? Does she have a nuturing spirit? Does she want kids?
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