Fathers - prepare your sons for battle

Most responsible parents attempt to at least do two things when addressing sexuality with their teens. 

1. Give the "birds and the bees" talk.  Defining the proper purpose, function and limitations of sex is an important starting point for training our children.
2. Try to protect them from the temptations and perversions of the world while they still live with us. 

However it is becoming increasingly clear that these two steps are not enough.  Sadly, parents must face the fact that their children will be exposed to deviant sexuality at an increasingly younger age.  The result is that our children will face temptation and confusion regarding sex that previous generations never dealt with.  It is imperative that we prepare our children to know how to hangle these issues and to be willing to bring them to us. 

First, what I am NOT saying:  This is not a "it's going to happen anyway so teach them safe sex" kind of mentality.  Far from it,  we must teach teens the value of abstinence and love.  But we must also teach them the importance of sexual purity.  I have seen groups of teens who know sex outside of marriage is wrong,  but not one of them could explain why it is wrong. 

 

What I am saying is prepare your sons for battle.  Here are some tips:

1. Explain the battle:  If your son only knows the don'ts and doesn't understand the why's then he won't have a personal motivation for battling lust.  Warnings are helpful but understanding the battle and why we fight is crucial. 
2. Set the ideal: many parents either under explain or over promise.  Pushing abstinence doesn't create value in the goal, it just becomes another frustrating rule to follow.  On the opposite spectrum, over promising about the benefits leads to unrealistic expectations.  We must set the ideal and explain that God honors obedience.  There are more than enough good reasons to wait without exaggerating.
3. Teach responsibility: simply saying no to everything is more smoothering than sheltering.  You will need to say no, a lot, but we need to give the kids a measure of flexibility and responsibility.  If they prove themselves responsible then they earn more freedom.  Too much or too little freedom usually leads to overindulgence. 
4. Talk and pray with them:  start discussions about girls and other things.  They may hate it but they will listen.  Then pray with them and for them, a lot.