Submission and Love

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
     But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.- Ephesians 5:1-3 

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. - Ephesians 5:21-33

It is fashionable for pastor's to either skip Ephesians 5 entirely or tiptoe through it carefully so as not to risk the wrath of the female audience.  However, based on what I have observed in my own life I believe that God is giving us an imperative about the importance of submission and love because we naturally rebel against these two attitudes.

As a man I can honestly say that loving my wife and kids doesn't come naturally the way it might for many women.  Likewise, willingly submitting my will to God and others isn't natural either.  We all want to be (or at least feel) as though we control our own lives.  Our natural hearts are bent towards independence, rebellion, and selfishness.  

      The message God is telling us is that we must submit and love Him and others, not that women are second class or less than equal.  God knows our hearts, He knows that men's greatest heart struggle is truly loving our wives, kids, and neighbors.  Sure we sacrifice and provide, but humbly listening to and serving our families does not come naturally.  Likewise God knows that women's greatest heart struggle is with submission.  Women naturally tend against submitting to their husbands and will often domineer and control the relationship if they can.  Then the man reacts badly with anger and a show of force and it's all downhill from there.  

When preachers say that the wives don't submit because the husband doesn't love first, and if the husbands were more like Christ then the wives would submit - it is nothing more than pandering to women.  Submission doesn't just happen and neither does love.  

God's way is always the best way, and never the easiest way.  When a husband loves and serves his wife and she helps him and follows his lead then the family will flourish.